i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
