how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
