You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
