dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
