I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
