My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I AM VODKA MAN
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
