I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
