we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
