I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
