I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
