Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
