Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
