I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
