you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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