But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
