What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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