ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
