In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I smell stomach acid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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