everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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