***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
