"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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