im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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