90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
