And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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