Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
