So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
