do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
