Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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