I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
