the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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