need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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