She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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