i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
