Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
