i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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