did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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