Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
did you just send me my own nude
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
