apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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