How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
