even my farts smell like vagina
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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