i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
