you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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