i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
