WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
