The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
