A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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