I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
