I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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