remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
