So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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