I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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