Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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